The Silence is Screaming at Me!

My youngest left home for real this time.  A college graduate, he opted for freedom and entry level poverty, rather than momma’s love and free rent. Who knew?

Don’t get me wrong.  A few hallelujahs gushed from my vocal chords when our youngest child meandered across the college stage.  Sing praise for no more tuition bills. Sing praise for no more back to school shopping. Sing praise for seeing the bottom of the laundry room floor. Those are worth celebrating – right?  Right?

Mingled with those cheers, I must admit, were a few tears.  Part of me wanted to experience a bearded, twenty something creep who lives in the basement, raids the fridge in a frenzy, hulks around the house in the middle of the night and then hibernates back to the cave at daybreak.

Don’t ask me why – it sounds repulsive.  But honestly ... it beats the sounds of silence.

I did not prepare myself for the deafening, screaming quiet of my house. I remember fondly when I locked myself in my bathroom, like every other devoted mother, just to escape the noise.  Even the pets mope around wondering, "Whassup with this? You're the only one left?"

Beginnings and Endings. Endings and Beginnings. Those clichés finally resonate with me.  I never fully grasped this idea until now.  I lived in a mommy bubble thinking that I would always be a mom, always taking care of somebody. Suddenly real life collided with my bubble - exploding it and exposing my vulnerability.

I invested my life in parenting, and I don’t regret that one bit.  I proudly boast of an EP at the end of my name  Some days the letters stood for Extraordinary Parent. Other days it stood for Eccentric Person.  I danced a fine line often and  there are definitely parenting moments that could have led to my incarceration. My hubby and my kids would gladly offer up some choice stories. But the truth is - you just do the best you can and at the end of the day, that is totally acceptable.  

And then one day ... the kids grow up.

So now what do I do?  Instead of Whaa! Whaa!  I decided to Blah! Blah!  My new therapy!